Getting things done
As a psychologist often people ask for me strategies to get things to happen differently in their lives. Typically there is a particular outcome that they have been seeking that is escaping them. Perhaps they have been trying the same thing over and over again, without success, and believe that an expert would have a different approach. Seeking the expert opinion is but one way of working our way through a problem.
Often in the middle of our frustration and confusion we retreat back to what has worked in the past, bringing forward an old strategy to see if it will work again. Unfortunately though, typically conditions are not the same and so the strategy isn’t a fit.
In a recent day of working with the horses we witnessed two different groups trying the exact same strategy based on what they had previously observed to motivate the horse. Both groups were trying to get the horse over an obstacle, both groups had witnessed the horse walking into the human group during debriefing when genuineness and honesty was present. Both groups thought that if they formed up a group with a sense of intense internal focus on the other side of the obstacle that the horses would be motivated to join them. In the process, of course, the horse would go over the obstacle.
It didn’t work for either group.
One of the groups kept at it quite a while – they were sitting on the ground playing a hand-slapping game with the horse watching them from the other side of the obstacle. I guess the horse didn’t join them because the horse had no hand to slap with. The other group, knowing that they were prohibited by the rules from talking, huddled together and made vocalizations in no particular language and did so with enthusiasm and expectation – that was amusing in itself but not enough to attract the horse.
The trouble with strategies engineered to get something to happen is that the intent to manipulate becomes the focus of the spirit rather than the intent on being genuine, heartfelt, or relationship focused. Perhaps you recall your own reaction when others are doing something to try to get a particular behavior out of you. If you are anything like me, you might get your back up. Whether it is a preacher trying to get me to believe some theological proposition or a salesman trying to get me to increase his commission cheque, we don’t like being manipulated or told what we should think, believe or do. Of course, children react to this all the time – if there is insufficient pay-off of comfort and confirmation in following directions, they get their back up and don’t want to “just obey” as we think that they should.
Now our horses hardly had their backs up (or whatever the equine equivalent of that would have been). In fact, our horses looked particularly relaxed given that pressure was off them when the humans were grouped up – nothing bad was going to happen to them where they were. But the humans were hardly getting the job done – they felt considerably more frustration.
Of course, most groups working with us eventually get this over-the-obstacle-thing to happen. And there is a wide variety of ways that they do it. For sure though, it helps when they don’t do it slyly, when they don’t pretend one thing to achieve another. Typically when they approach the task with direct, active and clear communication with the horse the horse goes over the obstacle. It is not always easy; but the harder it is, the more satisfying when it happens.
For humans, I believe that we are happier when others respond to us if we are direct, actively engaged with them and clear in our communication. Funny thing, eh? And we spend all that time thinking that we can manipulate our way by hiding our motives and tricking others into doing what we want. Silly humans!
Whinnying off for now,
Terry
Are you out there? We know that some of you are because we got very encouraging comments from the last blog. If you haven’t written in to let us know that you have made the transition from e-zine to blog, we would sure love it if you would do so by clicking the “click here” text below. And have you sorted out what the RSS feed can do for you? Please write back and let us know if this blog is now coming automatically into your computer through that feed.
August 30th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
How true this is!